Saying the Uncomfortable Truth

Last week, I was flying back to the UK after a much-needed holiday, and something jarring happened on the plane.

Just as we started landing, the internet came back on, and as expected, phones came back to life. The guy two rows behind me to the right began to play a video on his phone. It seemed like an Instagram reel or something, and looking at him, you could tell he was completely engrossed.

Well, how did I know what he was playing? Thanks for asking! Everyone could hear it!!!

Damn. You could tell the people around him were uncomfortable: lips twitching to the side, bodies angled away, everyone trying not to look his way. I waited a few seconds, then more seconds, then some more seconds. What for? For someone closer to him to tell him to turn it down or use his headphones, of course. And guess what? Nobody did.

The Intervention

I was perplexed, to say the least. Why didn't anyone say anything? Was I in an alternate universe and had suddenly developed some hearing superpower? Was I the only one who could hear it? Why was everyone acting like nothing was happening?

There was no way I was going to sit through that for the next 10–20 minutes, so I turned around and tapped his knee. He removed his headphones to hear what I had to say, and I said, "Hey, that thing is loud, everyone can hear it." He responded with "Ah," and quickly realised his headphones were connected to the in-flight screen and not his phone.

Silence quickly returned to the cabin, and there was peace again. Peace everywhere but in my heart. I couldn't understand why no one else had said anything. I picked up my phone and began taking notes, because of course this was going to be a podcast episode as well as a blog post.

The Feedback Hack

My post with the most interactions and comments on this platform is one I wrote to encourage people to be the bad guy. Maybe this is truly something people struggle with. So, as the very benevolent person you know I am, I'll drop a script you can consult whenever you need to say the uncomfortable thing or give someone feedback.

And trust me, it works (almost every time 😂). Oh no, no need to thank me. You're very much welcome.

• Name what you see. State facts, not feelings. For example: "The volume of the video is quite loud."

• State the impact. What effect does that fact have, on you or on others? "Everyone can hear it, and that's quite uncomfortable."

• Make an ask or suggest a solution. What do you want to happen next? "Can you turn it down please?" or "Do you mind using headphones?" Try not to command people. Don't say "Turn it down" or "Use your headphones." They're not your children. 🌚

At work, putting all this together can look something like this 👇🏾

Hey, can I give you some feedback?

I noticed the presentation came in later than agreed, with no heads-up beforehand. (You've named the fact, not the feeling)

That threw off the team's timeline, and we couldn't review it and polish it before it went out to management. (You've stated the impact)

Can we figure out a better way for next time? (That's your ask) Or:
In the future, can you let the team know earlier if you're running into issues, so we can help? (That's a solution)

If you'd like to hear me talk through this in my own voice (not AI), like you're sitting in my kitchen, here's the podcast on Spotify, Apple and YouTube.

I truly hope this is useful for you and I wish you a great week ahead amigo ❤️