Diary of a silli-mazing human

Waiting is not Weakness

Jan 17 ⎯ Some problems are genuinely hard, and no amount of thinking alone will magically produce the solution. That said, many problems are not new. Chances are, someone else has encountered them before, and solved them in one way or another. At Metrifox, my co-founder and I have been working on enabling clients to customize their Product Journey lifecycle, and it has not been an easy problem to crack. The idea sounds simple on the surface: let clients define what happens when a customer signs up. Should they be assigned a default plan? What happens when they upgrade or downgrade? What strategies should apply? Do they get unused credits back? What happens to unconsumed entitlements? Every time we took a stab at it, we’d hit a roadblock. We would realize that a certain path, while workable today, would come back to bite us later. So we’d pause, step back, and return to the drawing board. This is a real and pressing need for our clients. We could have rushed something out just to provide temporary comfort. But we knew this piece was foundational and getting it wrong would create more problems than it solved. So we waited. Nothing is new under the sun This is a proverb I heard often growing up, and it felt especially relevant this week. What are the odds that we're the first people to ever wrestle with this kind of problem? Slim to none. Somewhere, someone has faced something similar, and found a way through it. This meant that we didn’t have to invent everything from scratch. We could learn from existing patterns, prior art, and the collective experience of those who came before us. So, instead of doubling down on what the architecture should be based on how our system worked, we doubled down on more research on how different scenarios had been tackled by other companies. You might be wondering whether we did any research at the start. Of course we did. But in hindsight, it wasn’t enough. We hadn’t found the missing piece yet, and the breakthrough only came after reading more, asking better questions, and widening the lens. Waiting is not Weakness We finally had a breakthrough yesterday, and one thing my co-founder said with so much joy on his face was: “I’m so glad we waited.” Sometimes, you know something isn’t right, but because you’re under pressure to stay in motion or to show “progress”, you go ahead and act anyway, even when you’re not fully convinced. Sometimes, what you actually need is more data, and that’s okay. If you’re sure a path isn’t the right one, wait until you find the right path. You will find it, I’m confident of that. Just don’t do the wrong thing simply because you feel the need to do something. Sometimes, doing nothing is the better decision. Ah, that sounded like a quote. Don’t do the wrong thing simply because you feel the need to do something. Sometimes, doing nothing is the better decision. Abiodun Olowode, Jan 2025 I’m learning that restraint is a skill. Speed without clarity serves no one. The world may reward speed in the short term, but building something long-lasting rewards honesty, patience, and the courage to wait. Not everything needs an immediate answer. It’s okay to pause and think again. ‘Til next time amigo, have a great weekend 👋🏾

Vibe-Suffering, Vibe-Hiring, Vibe-Parenting or nah?

Jan 09 ⎯ It’s another Friday. I was so occupied through the week that I didn’t have time to think about what I was going to write about today. Nevertheless, as usual, I picked up my laptop this morning with one clear rule: I have to write something. So I guess I’ll just go with the flow. It’s going to be a day of… vibe-writing 😂 Speaking of vibing; It’s very common to hear people say, “Go with the vibe.” What they usually mean is: go with the flow and assume everything will work itself out. From my experience, that’s not always the case. In fact, it can be dangerous sometimes to just “go with the vibe” and expect things to magically fall into place. At some point in life, you have to be intentional. Intentional about your life, your health, your business, your goals. Going with the vibe isn’t bad in itself, but you need to know when it’s appropriate. I’m vibe-writing now, but this piece is low-stakes. Worst case, you suffer through a slightly unstructured post. Best case, the vibe is the sauce that gives it life. Either way, the consequences are minimal. If it doesn’t work, I’ll be more intentional next time. Maybe I lose a few subscribers, maybe it serves as a useful experiment; I’m fine either way. You can’t afford to do this in every area of your life, though. Trust me. Unless, of course, vibe-suffering is your thing 🫠 Vibe-Suffering is not my thing This week, I had a DEXA scan. I didn’t want to vibe through life, assuming I was strong and healthy when, in reality, I might not be. In my last post, I talked about how, as we grow older, muscle becomes a strong marker for longevity. I also talked about birthday gifts. Turns out, both conversations collided. Someone asked me what I wanted for my birthday and, after thinking about it for a while, my answer surprised even me: a DEXA scan. I wanted to know where I actually stood; my body composition, what was working, and what needed to change; so I could start working on it now, not later. My thought process was simple: would I rather optimise my health based on vibes, or based on real, actionable data? I chose the latter, because vibe-suffering is not my thing. I’d rather not reap the consequences of not knowing. Vibe-Hiring is also not my thing Let me tell you a funny story. I’ve vibe-hired once, and it backfired spectacularly. Another bad hire wasn’t technically vibe-hiring, but it was based solely on a referral. Honestly, I’d classify both as the same thing: vibe-hiring. I don’t do either anymore. If I were to define vibe-hiring, I would say it’s not putting the right amount of work or following due process when hiring, and assuming everything will work out based on vague signals. Those signals could be what you’ve heard about the person, how you felt talking to them, how well they speak, or some other intangible “vibe.” In reality, when you hire someone, you want them to do a job. They need to prove that they can do that job, not talk to you about when they did such a job, but actually do the job. Sometime last year, I really needed a frontend engineer, so I asked for some resumes. I spoke with one candidate whose resume caught my eye. He walked me through a business he had started, a software platform for event booking, and the users he already had. He explained how it ran mostly on its own and how he occasionally made improvements. He talked about his approach to documentation and processes. I was blown away. In my head, this guy was going to bring huge experience to the team and help us smash our goals. Alas, I was vibe-hoping. No wonder those hopes were vibe-smashed. We hired him. And then the pain began. He wouldn’t show up for meetings. When he submitted work for review, there were no descriptions. You could point out the same issues on one pull request and find them repeated on the next three. It was utter chaos. He didn’t last two weeks; but I learned my lesson. Now, before hiring, every candidate does a paid, one-week embedding with us. We give them tasks, see how they show up, how they collaborate with the team, and gauge the quality of their work. It also helps us understand what level they fit into. I won’t claim this is 100% failure-proof, but it’s a solid start to prevent premium tears. Vibe-Parenting Last week, my 7-year-old decided to start his own blog. It’s been some good comic relief for me, and for some of his subscribers. He’s been committed to writing every day since he started. I don’t know how long he’ll keep it up, but the funny thing is: he only started because he saw me consistently write on Fridays. He’d come into my room in the morning and ask what I was doing. I’d say, “It’s Friday, I’m writing,” like it was a no-brainer. Last week, when I gave that same answer, he and his sister decided I couldn’t be the only “cool kid on the block”. And so, they started their own blogs. I’ve never thought of myself as a “good” parent. I’m just… a parent. There’s honestly no manual for this. If you ask me, many parents are just vibe-parenting, going with the flow, doing their best, and hoping it’s good enough. And when you’re dealing with a full human being, many times, that’s really all you can do. Children will test your patience. You’ll cry. You’ll be mad. And then they’ll make you laugh by saying the darnedest things, leaving you wondering how their tiny brains even work. Being a parent is an important job; maybe the most important in the world, and it’s one place we need to try to avoid “going with the vibe”. We need to be intentional. This past week taught me one simple way to be an intentional parent — by being intentional about myself. Kids notice these things, and they pick it up. So, there we go. Looks like vibe-writing wasn’t so bad after all. Like my son would say at the end of his blog posts: “Thanks for reading, and come back next time!” 😂

Dancing, Dumbbells, and Decisions: My 2025

Jan 02 ⎯ The New Year’s Day has a funny way of losing its magic as you get older. At some point, it stops feeling like a reset or a day for “new year resolutions” and starts to feel like... just another day. Yesterday was my birthday. Yes, I was born on New Year's Day. My birthday wishes usually sound something like, “Happy New Year… and happy birthday too.” And honestly, I’ve made my peace with it. My birthday can’t hustle for fame with New Year’s Day; it will always win and take preeminence. The wishes sometimes sound like an afterthought, and to be honest, that’s fine. Like many things in life, it’s all about perspective. The way I see it, no one can claim my birthday fell on an insignificant day, and that’s why they forgot. This translates into less excuses, more gifts… hehe. The writer doing a celebration danceFor me, 2025 was a year of many moves. Not dancing moves; please don't get carried away by my legit stepper skills above. Focus. What I mean is that I made changes. Some small, some massive. Some scary, some surprisingly easy. Looking back now, I don't think at the start of the year, I could have predicted most of them. And since we're on the topic of moves, let's talk about movement. My Standing Desk and Walking Pad "There's no such thing as a healthy sedentary person." I heard this on a podcast, and I froze. I paused it, took a breath, then rewound to hear it again. As a programmer, most of my work happens at a desk: sitting, keyboard clanking, brain fully locked in on building the next thing. It’s easy to measure success by shipped features and fixed bugs. The question I had to ask myself was: Is my health winning too? So I made a change. My desk now lives in standing mode. Permanently. And I added a walking pad underneath it. Yesterday wasn’t even a workday, yet I still racked up minutes just by being at my desk, doing a few things here and there. I no longer need to “go out” to walk. I walk indoors too. And since we’re on the topic of exercise, let’s talk about weights. My Weights Let me tell you a secret. I own 4 kg dumbbells. I bought them around August 2024 to start lifting weights. I had never lifted weights in my life, so 4kg felt like a sensible place to begin. Then they arrived. My six-year-old picked them up. Not only did he lift them; he started flexing his arms up and down with them. I panicked for a second, then paused. He looked fine. Then my older child picked them up too. No struggle. No complaints. I just shook my head and walked away. What was I thinking? Funny enough, I never really committed to lifting after that. I’d occasionally pick them up after my walks and convince myself I was doing something. Then I read a post on LinkedIn about how, as you get older, muscle becomes one of the strongest markers for longevity. That hit. If the universe couldn’t reach me through my kids, maybe a total stranger was the key. So I doubled the weights. I got 8kg dumbbells and a pull-up bar. A picture of 4kga nd 8kg dummbells As you can imagine, these dumbbells are not as friendly as the 4kg ones. My kids can’t lift them up and down anymore. I finally feel like an adult… at least until they humble me again. The point is this: I’m intentionally pushing myself to be stronger. Being lean is good. Being lean and strong is better. And since we’re on the topic of strength, let’s talk about the strength to make hard decisions. Quitting My Job In August 2024, I moved to the UK to take up a role managing engineering teams at a FinTech company approaching unicorn status. It came with a solid six-figure salary, and in my mind, I was in it for the long haul. Late in 2024, my now co-founder reached out to me with a billing idea. Nothing had been built yet. It was just a problem he wanted to solve and a belief that I could help make it real. My answer was an immediate no. I had just moved countries. I had a new job. There was no universe in which I was quitting stability to build an idea that didn’t even exist yet. I wished him well and even connected him with people who might be interested. He didn't stop. Every now and then, he’d message me about usage-based billing and complex computations. He’d ask how I’d approach certain things, and I’d reply casually. At some point, it felt like I should start invoicing him for consulting. Still, I wasn’t interested... or so I thought. Eventually, I agreed to explore it on the side. Emphasis on “on the side.” I’d keep my job, keep doing well, and poke at this idea in the evenings. No harm done. Except the more I explored it, designed systems, thought through edge cases, spoke to potential users, the more excited I became. There was something here. What started as an internal billing idea for one of his companies quickly revealed itself as its own product; its own company. I convinced him it needed to stand alone, and that’s how Metrifox was born. I was now a co-founder, but still, quitting my job wasn't an option. However, reality caught up. If this was going to move fast and be done well, nights and weekends wouldn’t cut it. So, in July, I made the decision to go full-time, even though Metrifox had no money, and we were still building. I no longer earn a six-figure salary. But I wake up excited. I talk to customers, build features, design systems, and solve problems that are mine. I couldn’t say the same about my old job. What I learned is this: I may be good at managing engineering teams, but my sweet spot is building while managing. I’m an engineer at my core, and that’s something I’ll never give up. Find your sweet spot. And when you do, have the courage to choose it. Since we’re on the topic of courage, let’s talk about the courage to let go. Letting Go of My Idea of “Security” At the start of 2025, I set a financial goal. I had a well-paying job, and it felt attainable. By the end of the year, I was close. My plan was simple: hit the target, leave the money alone, dip into the interest when necessary, and maintain a baseline that made me feel secure. Then an unexpected family project kicked off. On paper, it was a good move; but it meant dipping into my savings. Without a steady salary anymore, rebuilding that number would take time. I wrestled with it. I had dreamed of that number throughout the year. Could I just let it disappear? The thought alone gave me chest pain 😭 So I called a dear friend, my finance guru, the one who had first convinced me to set this number in the first place. I relayed my dilemma. He laughed and reframed it: "You’ve built a bank. Let’s call it Biodun Bank. Now go there, take a loan, and fund this project. This isn’t about the number. You’ve already proved you could build it. The point is, you can access it when you need to." And he was right. I had to let go of my old idea of “security.” It had served me during the building phase, but now I was in the borrowing phase. Clinging to it would have held me back. The lesson: life moves in phases. The mindset that worked in one phase may no longer serve you in the next. Have the courage to let go, pivot, and use what you’ve built to take the next step. Phew! This one has felt like a long write. I could go on, but let’s save the rest of my 2025 stories for another time. Wishing you a happy and fulfilling 2026, amigos. 'Til next time, keep winning ❤️

Problem No Dey Finish

Dec 19 ⎯ “That’s not a place you cry when you don’t understand something.” My brother said that to me twenty years ago when I was getting into university. Jeeeezzzzz! Has it really been that long? 😱 Looks like someone’s getting old. I digress. Excellence has always been a value of mine. I grew up hearing the phrase, "Anything worth doing is worth doing well." It's one of the ones you can say really sunk in. Early on, I hacked the process. I realized that if I truly understood the how, I could solve almost anything. As a result, I wasn’t intimidated by complex questions. In fact, I craved them. Math, Physics; the harder, the more exciting. Solving them was proof that I understood the concept, not that I’d memorized it. And when I couldn’t solve them? Well… I cried. Sometimes, I wailed. Loudly. My dad would often ask my brothers to help me out. So, by the time I was getting into the university, they felt justified in drilling it into me: Madam, that is not the place for crying. If you don’t understand something there, you’d better find another way to deal with it. And honestly? They were right. Crying as a founder? Fast-forward two decades. I’m a founder now. And I’m… not crying anymore. Excellence is still a value of mine. I still want everything worth doing to be done well. I want things to work. I want every bug a user encounters to be a rare anomaly. I want happy users—always. But as you probably already know, everything will not always work. There will always be an edge case you didn’t think about during implementation. Something that makes a user pause and say, “Uhmm… what just happened?” (You can ask Probound; they started integrating with Metrifox this week 😅) But what does that mean? That our work isn’t excellent? That we should throw in the towel and start another venture? Hell to the no! On the contrary, it signals that there is something equally important we should pay attention to: How fast we respond when something goes wrong. How quickly do we move from: “There’s a problem” to “We understand the problem” to “The problem is fixed”; or at least, “It’s no longer a problem… for now.” In incident management, this is called MTTR — Mean Time To Recovery (or repair, response, resolve). It’s simply a measure of how fast you go from incident to all-clear. And honestly? This concept applies far beyond engineering. MTTR For You In life, I think of MTTR as a measure of resilience. When something goes wrong, how long does it take you to move from wailing about the problem to acknowledging it and forging ahead? And let me be clear: You are allowed to wail. The question is: does it take three minutes or three days? The same applies to business. No matter what kind you run. How quickly do you respond to customer issues? How fast do you move from "this is unexpected" to "okay, we're here now, what's the way forward?" You can’t prevent every problem. That’s unrealistic. And every time something breaks, you can’t cry like a certain younger version of someone we know. So what can you do? Acknowledge. Feel. Strategise. Implement. And when that solution uncovers another problem? You rinse. And repeat. Sometimes, you don’t even need the feel step; you move straight to strategy and execution. Other times, you do need to sit with it for a bit. Just… don’t spend one year feeling. Get up. Dust yourself off. And move. Problem no dey finish There is a Nigerian saying: "Problem no dey finish." It simply means problems don’t end. The earlier you accept that challenges are part of life’s journey, not interruptions to it, the easier it becomes to breathe, recalibrate, and ask, “Okay... how do we proceed?” Ah! did I just smell a quote? 😄 The earlier you accept that challenges are part of life’s journey, not interruptions to it, the easier it becomes to breathe and recalibrate. Abiodun Olowode, Dec 2025 So, dear reader, get comfortable. We’re here for the long haul. ’Til next time, amigo. And always remember… problem no dey finish 😉

My Innie vs My Outie: The War

Dec 12 ⎯ I watched the mind-bending Severance series a few months ago. It wasn’t bad at all. I can’t remember who recommended it; most likely my sister. Movies are one of the things my siblings and I bond over. We recommend them to each other like a relay of survival: If you suffered through it, I don’t have to. You suffer for all! The Innie & The Outie In Severance, there’s this concept of an "innie" and an "outie." Humans who agree to the procedure have their work selves separated from their non-work selves. When they step into the work elevator, something flips. Their “work self” (the innie) switches on. The innie knows nothing about the outside world. No idea who their family is. No context. Just fluorescent lights, cubicles, and coworkers. The outie, on the other hand, knows nothing about their work life. Once they leave the building, their work persona essentially disappears. They are back to their home selves. If they ran into a work colleague at the supermarket, they would not even recognize them. The Dialogue At some point, the main character’s outie needs to communicate with his innie. The process is exhausting. They send each other voice notes like two people in a long-distance relationship with terrible WiFi. At one point, they are basically screaming through recorded messages. Why? Because they want different things. They both think the other one is unreasonable. The outie wants to get his "dead wife" back. The innie is in love with a coworker and wants to keep living that life. And neither desire can exist without threatening the other. If the innie helps the outie get his wife back, the outie would have no reason to return to work. If the outie refuses to return to work, the innie loses his entire world. It’s a mess of incentives, trust, sacrifice, and identity. Do I Have an Innie and an Outie? 🤔 Sometimes I feel like I do. A whole war happening inside my body. My innie is my internal system. The strict one. The one running the operations. My outie is the me that interfaces with the world. The vibes. The craving. The one that wants to be carefree. My outie loves ice cream; salted caramel especially. She could chug a whole bowl and still ask for more. My innie hates ice cream. She punishes the outie every chance she gets: huge breakouts, painful pimples, angry red swellings. It's chaos. So when I watched Severance, one of my first thoughts was: How can I communicate with my innie so she understands that ice cream is a guilty pleasure and she needs to stop throwing tantrums? What would that conversation look like? Outie: I love ice cream. It’s literally the best thing in the world. Innie: It’s processed sugar. That nonsense is not good for you. Outie: Must you be so strict? Please. YOLO. Innie: I’m not going to be chill with you bringing that thing near me. Outie: You’re selfish and rigid. No empathy. 😭 Innie: 🥱 Outie: What about once a week on Fridays? 🫣 Innie: …silence A compromise? There are things we both want. When I decide I’m going to do something great; something genuinely exciting, my innie is hyped. I can code for hours and she won’t even whisper about food. I’ll be like, “Why am I not hungry?” and I can imagine her saying: “We’re changing the world, please. Focus.” But what about the things I want that she doesn’t want? The external conflicts where I insist on having my way, even though I know she’ll be mad? I have sticky notes on my desk with reminders about the "whys" and the "consequences." They barely help. Even when I resist a craving, I still have to deal with the craving. And where is my innie then? Nowhere! She is just relieved we did not bring the ice cream near her. My Response To my Innie I’ve noticed something interesting over the years though. When I’m aligned with my innie, we can do anything. We can change the world. When we’re misaligned, one of us suffers. And when one of us is suffering, both of us are, inadvertently. So when it comes to fulfillment, passion, and drive (the things that keep me alive), and by alive I don’t mean just existing—the things that make life more than a loop of waking up, doing things, and going back to sleep… those are the areas where I make sure we’re fully aligned. But for the things my innie is unnecessarily rigid about, like salted caramel ice cream? My response is: “Ma’am, you’ll be all right.” Until she decides to learn to enjoy the little things (in moderation), I’m living life with the slogan: “Who’s a couple of pimples gonna hurt?” 🤪 Have a lovely weekend, amigo, and thank you for reading ❤️ By the way, the double cream in my fridge is calling my name… and my ice cream maker is ready for duty.

Why Culture May Be Your Biggest Weapon Yet

Dec 05 ⎯ When I was in primary school (Year 3, if I remember correctly), we learned about culture. We had to chant the definition until it practically lived in our heads. The teacher would yell, “What is culture?” and we would chorus, “Culture is the way of life of a people.” The first thing that struck me was that odd phrase: a people. My tiny brain could not compute. “A” is singular, “people” is plural. English was fighting for its life that day. And of course, being the curious child that I was, I asked my teacher who calmly explained that “a people” meant “a group of people.” Ah. That made sense. And from that moment, I absolutely overused "a people" any chance I got. Anyways, today’s piece isn’t about all the ways I tormented my teachers. It’s about culture. And before we begin, let’s just say I’ve been looking forward to writing you all week. And by you, I mean my subscribers. If you’re reading this and you aren’t subscribed… well… you can still join us. Hehe. Why culture? On Friday mornings, I open my laptop and write about whatever’s on my mind. Sometimes it reflects my week; other times it’s just something I’m itching to rant about. This week, it’s culture. If you’ve been following me, you’d recall that at Metrifox, we’re foodies. At this point, I’m convinced I need to add “must have a healthy relationship with food” to our hiring requirements. No one can survive here otherwise 😅 Every Thursday, a workflow runs on our #lunch-orders channel. Everyone gets to order what they want delivered to them for lunch the next day. I started this after we went live, partly to appreciate my team, but also to reinforce something important: I want to build a company where people feel seen, appreciated, and cared for. I didn’t realize how much impact this tiny gesture would have. They started doing some really funny stuff like someone deciding to order what the next person orders, and that next person choosing to order the least desirable thing, so they could laugh at the utter ridiculousness of anyone letting someone else decide their lunch. Or is it how they are constantly getting inspiration for the next week from what other people ordered? I’d just sit there in a corner, sheepishly grinning while scrolling through their orders, having absolutely no idea what half of them were. Like… what in the world is a cheesemelt sub? The Unexpected During a recent Friday meeting, someone mentioned that the lunch tradition had massively improved their joy at work. Everyone agreed. They were excited about the meals, the shared laughs, the experiments, the bonding, and most importantly—being appreciated. I sat there stunned. It wasn’t the food. It was the feeling. The feeling of home. The feeling of ease. The feeling of “Wow, I really enjoy working here.” A simple weekly gesture had reinforced our culture of appreciation without a policy, a memo, or a lecture. This is what we do here: We appreciate. We honour excellence. We give credit. We show care. Building Culture Culture doesn’t just fall from the sky. You have to build it; brick by brick, choice by choice, action by action. If your foundation is straw, you cannot expect to raise a mansion. Culture is the same: if you want “this is how we do things here” to stick, you must model it consistently. Want a culture of appreciation? Appreciate people. Want honest feedback? Give honest feedback consistently. Want trust? Demonstrate trust. Culture is not vibes. It's reinforced behavior; and as a parent, I see this play out at home every single day. I recently learned about Michael Easter’s 2% Rule. It says that only 2% of people choose the harder path for long-term gain when an easier option exists. In other words, only 2% take the stairs when there’s an elevator. Jeez. I live on the first floor. Why the hell was I taking the elevator? So I started taking the stairs. My kids still took the elevator… for two days. Then, without me saying anything, they started following me. My son eagerly, my daughter dramatically. On rainy days when it’s really cold, she still takes the elevator—and guess what? That’s okay. Culture isn’t instant. Steven Bartlett put this really nicely 👇🏿 If the culture is strong enough, the new people become the culture. If the culture is weak, the culture becomes like the new people. Another Example Did you notice something seemingly unrelated in the Slack screenshots I shared? Hehe.... Our display photos! They're avatars! When I created our Slack workspace, I set my display photo as an avatar. It was deliberate: I wanted the “We’re professional, but we don’t do stiff or overly formal here” kind of vibe. For me, it was important to build a culture where people didn’t feel the need to be too official. I wanted us to focus on the most important thing, which was building stuff, without sacrificing the fun along the way. I never asked anyone to follow suit. Yet, they did. Solomon joined us this week as an intern, and I reminded him to upload a photo. Lo and behold Solomon! My 2 cents If you want things done a certain way, words are not your greatest weapon. A one-off action is not your greatest weapon. A PowerPoint presentation is definitely not your greatest weapon. Your greatest weapon is culture. And culture is built by one thing: consistent action. You lead by doing. You model the behavior you want. You repeat it long enough that it becomes the norm. If you want kids to clean their rooms, show them by keeping yours clean. Ermmmm… maybe that’s not a great example. If it’s working for your child, please let me know 🫣 But still, the point stands: culture is your strongest lever. And while it takes effort to build, it pays off in ways you do not expect. That’s it for today! Have a great weekend amigos… and…. 'til next time 🫡

The counterfeit currency of being liked

Nov 28 ⎯ Finally, we’re here and I’m fulfilling a 2 week-old promise 💃🏽 I said I’d write about this, and yes, you’re welcome… hehe. A question for you! Have you ever heard about the Abilene Paradox? Let me rephrase: Have you ever had that “WTF look” because a friend expressed their disdain for something to you in private and then in public, went all “Yaaas, Queen!” to it? 😂 You’re there like, “Huh? What just happened?” Or… maybe you’re that friend. 😬 I know, I know! You had your reasons. We all do. The Abilene Paradox The Abilene Paradox is when a group ends up making a decision that almost nobody wants; simply because each person assumes the others want it. I don’t want to go to the beach, but I assume everyone else does. They don’t want to go either, but they assume I do. We all show up… sand in our shoes and resentment in our hearts. Not because anyone forced us, but because nobody wanted to “rock the boat.” Another example: Thomas invites Alba to his party (my friend Alba will kill me for using her name 😂) Not because he wants her there, but because he thinks she wants to be there. Alba shows up; not because she wants to go, but because she thinks Thomas wants her there. Two miserable humans with zero bravery. We don’t want to be the odd one out, so we go as far as stating support for an outcome we do not even want. That brings me to the question I asked my 7-year-old yesterday. He was worried that other kids’ parents wouldn’t see the email about not wearing uniforms; and then, he’d be the only one without one. My question to him was simple: What’s so bad about being the odd one out? The Fundamental Desire to be Liked We see this in kids - they feel bad when they’re not invited to that party, or when a group of kids are playing and don’t ask them to join. They run home excited to tell the story when someone approaches them to be friends, or everyone at school that day wanted to race them. It’s a euphoric feeling! “Oh, I’m now part of the group!”. It feels like something worth celebrating. Oh! A natural high. It does seem like this is innate in us. Some would even argue that a “sense of belonging” is one of the core needs for human survival. And without it, humans could literally die. But from where I’m sitting? It seems like many adults are addicted to social approval. I know people who stay in religious organizations they don’t believe in anymore; not because they want to, but because leaving means losing friends, being alienated, and “starting over.” They equate that loss to death, and so they stay. I could understand that if it were coming from a kid. However, we’re not kids anymore. And I argue that even kids benefit from hearing, “It’s okay to be the odd one out.” every now and then. If “group acceptance” is a need for human survival, then, my follow-up question would be “at what cost?”. At some point, you’re not living; you’re performing. And if you’re performing… is that even life? At what cost? Life eventually presents us with choices, big ones. And each path comes with a cost. Most people choose the path that keeps them safe within the group, and a brave few choose the path that keeps them true to themselves. Don’t get it twisted! Sometimes “the group” is society, and “What will people say?” becomes the chief decision-maker. I don’t care which path you choose (okay, maybe I do, and that’s why I’m writing). But let’s be honest, what truly is the cost of choosing acceptance over authenticity? You lose original thinking. You lose your convictions and values (did you really have them to begin with?). You lose personal identity. The people who accept you? They’re accepting a counterfeit version of you. Which means their acceptance is counterfeit too; because it depends on your performance. At some point, you have to ask yourself if you’re here to truly live, or just want to continue the act for the rest of your life. “But I don’t want to be the Bad Guy” I’ve heard the above statement a lot and honestly, I think at this point, we have to redefine what the “bad guy” means. These days, it means “the person who’s thinking contrary to others”. Like, how can saying no to something you don’t want, or stating your true opinions, make you bad? 🤦🏾‍♀️ It just makes you honest! You’d hear people say “I knew that was a terrible idea, but I just kept quiet so as not to be the bad guy”. Spoiler alert: You are the bad guy. Keeping quiet made you the bad guy. Lying made you the bad guy. Dishonesty made you the bad guy. You’d often find this if you lead companies or teams. Teammates saying “I knew this design made no sense, but I didn’t want to be the bad guy, so I kept quiet”. Sir. Ma’am. You are the bad guy 🌚 There’s another layer to this I think I’ve also come across a lot, even with myself. People don’t want to be wrong! And because of that, they’d rather keep quiet. If I’m wrong, then I’ll look stupid. If I look stupid, then no one will like me. Wait, are we right back at acceptance? I’m constantly learning that it’s okay to be wrong, and that should never stop me from voicing my opinions. It’s hard sometimes, but we can all try. Practice saying “Ah! I was wrong about that, I see it now”. Try it for 7 days straight, it works wonders I assure you 🙃 Being wrong means you learn, and you get wiser. Accepting it means you give others the permission to be comfortable with being wrong also. Now, how’s that for a reward for being the “bad guy”? Hard Decisions I won’t pretend I don’t struggle with decisions. I do. We all do. But I’ve learned to ask myself why a decision feels hard. Is it hard because it will hurt someone you love? Because you’ll lose favour? Because you’re used to being the “good guy”? Because you hate confrontation? Because you want to be liked? If the answer leads back to “I don’t want to lose acceptance,” and not “this is the right thing for a greater good,” then you know exactly what to do. Some things won’t be worth it in the long run. So, live, don’t perform! Ah, that sounded like a good quote 😅 Live life, don’t perform! Abiodun Olowode, November 28, 2025 Maybe it’s letting go of someone in your company (even if everyone loves them). Maybe it’s ending a relationship. Maybe it’s standing up for yourself. Whatever it is, if you know it’s the right thing, forget being liked. Be brave and do the thing. It pays off. Recovering Your True Self I’ve struggled with many decisions in the past, but every time I chose the path that ensured I didn’t lose my true self, even though painful at the time because I feared losing love? I grew! Ten fold! What did I gain? Peace of mind. A clear conscience. Pride when I looked in the mirror. And the people who were in my life? I was sure they loved me for who I was and that was enough. You can start by: Stating Your Opinions People may disagree. That’s fine. But at least they know where you stand. You can go along with something you disagree with, and this is called the disagree and commit principle. However, it’s very different from false agreement. Not Going Where You’d Rather Not Be Your bed is a beautiful place. Feel free to sleep. If you don’t want to be somewhere, and it’s not the right place for you, don’t go. Seek self-validation first Ask yourself: Does doing this make me respect myself more or less? Choose the path that lets you admire who you see in the mirror. I know today’s piece may read like a rant (maybe it is). But I’m sure there’s some truth in it. Take what resonates, and trash the rest. I’m just stating my opinions, while encouraging you to do same 😂 The End? If you read my work often, you’re probably thinking, “Why isn’t she quoting an ex-colleague today?” hehe Errrm… do I have something? Ah! Looks like I do (sorry to disappoint you 🫣) Someone I wasn’t afraid to tell last year that he was an addict, proudly told me this week, without me asking that he quit smoking 👇🏾 I’m not saying go out there spraying your opinions on people, or being a dick and shouting, “AB said I could.” Please, I did not send you anywhere 🙏🏾 All I said was… Actually—I forget (scratches head) Feel free to read the piece again 🤪 Til’ next week, adios amigos ❤️

We Love Pain! (Seriously?)

Nov 21 ⎯ Hey, before you crucify me, let me crucify myself ☠ Yes, I know: in my last piece, I said this week, we’d talk about the counterfeit currency of being liked. And yet here you are, staring at a post about pain 😬 How dare I? I promise I’m not a fraud 😂 Over the last few days, I’ve been hit with a flurry of emotions — mountain-high highs and gut‑punch lows, that pushed me to see pain in a completely new light. When I sat down to write this morning, it felt selfish not to share this shift in perspective with you, especially because it’s already bringing me massive clarity. And as the benevolent soul that I am, here I am talking to you about… pain. No need to thank me. What am I here for? You’re welcome 😇 The “We love Pain” Slogan I worked at Factorial for three years and in 2023, during our Christmas party, one of the cofounders had us yell: “We love Pain!”. This wasn’t a new slogan — anyone who’d been around the company for a while would know it. The first time I heard it, my reaction was: “You and who, please?”. I don’t love pain. I love the soft life. As Nigerians would say: “I did not come to this life to suffer.” Why on earth would anyone love pain? Funny enough, I was chatting with an ex-colleague last Friday (yes, I know this seems to be a recurring theme in my posts. Please, it’s not my fault you ghost everyone you ever worked with when you leave… or is it the other way round? 🌚). He casually made reference to it. You see, pain could actually equal coins. You just need to see it the right way. The PainCoinful End of My Week So, this week, at Metrifox, a business began a 14-day free trial. They transferred their customer data (a few for a start), and set up their features and offerings. They also set up entitlements for several plans so we would help them track usage, and bill their customers. I was elated! Elated is an understatement. I was over the moon. The only thing I didn’t do was my catwalk dance (don’t ask, just move on). They quickly began to give feedback on a few extra functionalities that could smoothen their workflow, nothing too serious. As at yesterday, checking the back-office, they had 35 customers and had processed 18 orders. Not bad at all for someone who’s on trial And then… the pain began. We begin to receive pings on our error monitoring channel. What’s happening? I check the server, and 😳 Where’s my database? Rails, what do you mean you couldn’t find my database? It definitely wasn’t stolen. While I’m figuring things out, I check my phone. The client had pinged us to ask why the app was slow. I apologize and say we’re looking into it, but in reality, I’m maybe freaking out. Why? Thanks for asking. Because, I had just caught a glimpse of what the issue could have been, considering our queue processes were dying too. Mind you, it had nothing to do with his 35 customers and 18 orders 😅 Anyways, I restart the pod, we increase the memory for our queues, and… phew!… the app comes back online. But the underlying problem? Let’s just say it left me in premium tears. I’ll spare you the full technical jargon, but the bottom line: we may have to extract a part of the app into its own service. It’s not critical to the core app in terms of functionality and client interaction, but it’s the most memory-hungry part of what we do. If you know me, you’d know I dislike microservices. I love to go the path of a monolith until I don’t have a choice, and I’m not the only one. Someone was so upset by microservices they had to write about why it’s bad for your mental health. Just thinking about that option had me in severe pain 😂 We’re at a point where companies are signing up, and hitting us up for demos. “This is the last thing I need”, I thought to myself. I was wrong In reality though, thinking about it later, this is exactly what I need. This is the best time for this to have happened. Going through this now, and solving this problem (no matter how painful implementing the optimal solution could be), would further make our app resilient, keep us grounded and me?, I’d learn a ton more. Do you know what else would happen? That pain would turn into coins. Hehe. More resilience means more trust, happier customers, and ultimately, more revenue. I may have gone to bed dreading the next few days, but I woke up today genuinely excited for them. Count your coins Whatever pain you’re going through can be reframed. Whatever seems so difficult right now, you can ask yourself: what’s the light at the end of the tunnel? Begin to get excited about that light, not depressed about the pain. Make up your mind to put in the work required to get you to that end so you can count your coins baby! 💰 Mind you, the client pinged me last night to say they were moving to the next phase of their integration: migrating their customer subscriptions to our platform. Looks like it wasn’t so bad after all Anyways, amigos, talk to you next week. And…. don’t forget to stay counting 👋🏾

Maybe you're just a necessary evil 🤷🏽‍♀️

Nov 14 ⎯ The conversation that made me smile all day On Monday this week, as soon as I woke up, I remembered that my extended family had agreed over the weekend to contribute some money towards a specific project. I immediately sent my share to my brother, who is basically the family’s unofficial tax collector. A few seconds later, I received a WhatsApp message from him 👇🏾 He could have chosen to send a generic message saying he received the money. However, he chose humour and light-heartedness. That single choice created a feeling of gratitude in me, gave me cause to smile during the day when the conversation randomly crossed my mind, and most importantly, made me wonder – Does my presence in other people’s lives spark a similar feeling? Or am I just… a necessary evil? We often confuse obligation with true appreciation. When someone shows up to a call with us, invites us for dinner, or reaches out to have a conversation, is it because they genuinely want to, or because they have to? Are they looking forward to that experience with us or really, they don’t have a choice? Well, I wondered. What group do I fall into? No cap, I too would love to be the reason someone smiles randomly during their day 🙈 This is business: Be realistic! Sometimes, you have to be a douchebag (or so we think) Exactly a month ago, our PM at Metrifox handed in her notice. She got another job and tripled her salary. I am genuinely proud of her. Today is her last day and I’m working on the agenda for our Friday catch-up, which we’re dedicating to bidding her farewell and celebrating her. Last week, I asked everyone to come prepared with their speeches. I’m sure someone will mention her pineapple fried rice… I digress. Preparing my speech caused me to think more about relational impact. Is she excited to be finally free of us? Or is she grateful for her time here? In the reverse too, am I grateful for her, or am I just relieved she’s someone else’s responsibility now? Sometime last month, an ex-colleague sent me a message about the company’s celebratory reaction to a co-worker’s announcement that they were leaving. But here’s the funny part: that person was incredibly effective at his job. He got shit done. His product analysis? Always solid. He came off as rude or brash sometimes, but honestly, whenever I was in meetings with him, I knew I had to bring my A-game and mediocrity wouldn’t fly. Thinking again about my PM who’s leaving. Yes, I’ve disagreed with her on quite a number of occasions. This is business. I’m not here to protect feelings; I’m here to make sure we thrive, not merely stay afloat. But is there a middle ground? Is there a way to be firm, demand excellence, be a no-nonsense person, and… not be a douche bag? Or should I just accept that leadership requires being the necessary evil more often than not and that’s okay? Is there a world where despite our disagreements, she still leaves grateful for our interactions? Ermmmm…. I like to believe there is. And if that’s not the case yet, that only means I haven’t found that balance. The onus is on me to find it if I want to build a company that truly thrives. To me, thriving isn’t just about making money, it’s about making money with people who genuinely want to keep making that money with you, because working with you leaves their day better in many ways. Who cares about being liked? There’s every possibility that after reading this piece, someone would start thinking, “Okay… so how do I become more likeable?” Please don’t! This has nothing to do with being liked. And that’s exactly why my next piece is going to be about the counterfeit currency of being liked. If you’d like to be notified, well… you know what to do 👇🏾 This is about adding a sprinkle of sunlight to the days of those you interact with. Becoming the kind of person who naturally brings something to the table in a way that inspires others to grow or genuinely makes their burden lighter, without….. you guessed right…being a douchebag. You can do all of the above and more, and still not be liked. The human race is funny like that. You can’t afford to count on affection as the measure of your impact. Affection is soooo unpredictable! Mmmmm… that sounded so good we need to make it a quote! Affection is so unpredictable, you can’t afford to count on it as the measure of your impact. Abiodun Olowode, Nov 2025 Instead, be more conscious in your interactions. Work towards leaving people in a better state than you met them (or at least don’t leave them worse 🫠). In some cases, this would require you telling a painful truth in the gentlest way possible (I’m still working on this 😂), and that’s okay. We can do this! 💪🏾 ’Til next week (my subscribers know why that’s crossed out 🙃). Don’t be a douchebag 👋🏾

Who puts rice in a pineapple?

Nov 14 ⎯ I did say to myself in the 1st week of September, after the launch of Metrifox that I’ll make a Youtube video every week to document my journey as CTO and Co-founder. Oh, how easy that was! Guess how many videos I’ve made so far? Two!!! 🙈. I made the first one that week talking about the 8hr call before the Metrifox launch, and the second one a month later, talking about my Budapest/Bucharest airport saga. I swear, I thought it will be easy to do. In my head, all I had to do was take my phone, hit the record button and say my piece as to what was going on that week with us. Who needed to do a retake? I wouldn’t need to appear really good on camera, after all this wasn’t a fashion show. And because I want to be honest and sincere, we won’t be making any cuts. Just a truly unfiltered video about life as a builder. Oh, how wrong I was! Between meetings with engineers and the product team, trying to iterate fast, serving as the core backend engineer, hopping on calls with potential clients who want custom pricing breakdowns and endless features, and having two kids to care for… making a video about my week quickly became the last thing on my mind. Mind you, this is not the first time I’d try to start making Youtube videos and fail woefully. I tried about a year ago, but the work required was just too much I quit. Yeah right, you can say I’m just making excuses and I was never really a serious person (maybe you’re right). But hey, when I give excuses, it’s fine, but when someone else does, it’s sheer incompetence. The world is not fair, I know, don’t blame me for it 🌚 Why are we even here? Because writing is so much easier!! You don’t have to look “presentable”. You don’t have to redo the whole thing if something doesn’t come out right (thank you, backspace). You don’t have to make sure you get it right the first time. Brah, you can always edit after publishing, and if it’s so bad, then you can just hide the piece 😂 So, what have I been up to? The funny thing is my weeks are often so crazy I can’t remember what I did at the start of the week. Nevertheless, every Friday, we have our catch-up meetings where we play games, have fun and try to decompress. Recently, I started a new challenge: two team members cook a meal, send me pictures before the call, and everyone else votes for which one looks tastier. And yes, we vote purely based on appearance! What? How else would you suggest we voted? You want us to visit their homes and taste it? No thanks, I’d rather not risk catching diarrhoea on my way home 😭 The Fried Rice Challenge Last week, the chosen dish was fried rice. When I received the pictures, I was stunned! Wait what? Who brings a bazooka to a knife fight? Y’all be taking this thing to a whole new level. This challenge was dishing out no medals, I didn’t think it was this serious! I know you’re wondering, “Why is AB being so dramatic?”. Well, you will too when you see the photo. Someone put the rice in a pineapple!! A pineapple 🍍!! At first I thought it was a pineapple shaped plate, and then I looked more closely and lo and behold, it was a real pineapple. It was at that point I remembered! The other contestant had bragged about being a “world class chef”. He said he didn’t think anyone could beat him. He was the chief of all delicacies, and cooking was his hobby. In that moment, I got it! When you’re faced with that kind of opponent, what do you do? You go the extra mile! You pull in a pineapple if you have to. You don’t make excuses like AB about why she can’t make videos. You do what no one expects you to do. Needless to say, she won! And by a landslide. I won’t even show you the other plate. 😂 My Pineapple Moment This is why I’m now going to do what no one expects me to do. I’m not going to sit here and pine (pun intended), when I can just take action. I’m going to ask you to subscribe to my newsletter 👇🏾 This is so I can keep you updated on what’s happening with me and Metrifox, even though this is my first post in a long while and you absolutely have no idea if I’m going to keep up with this, or ghost you for another 3 months 🤪 But hey, that’s part of the fun! ’Til next time, adios 👋🏾

The Trap of Safety

Nov 07 ⎯ I ask more questions than I draw conclusions, so prepare yourself, this post might just end up being a web of unending questions. Nevertheless, I honestly think questions make us think critically, observe the norms, assess our priorities, fears and insecurities, as well as reflect on life in general. Talking about reflections, let’s take a ride! Many a time, we’re comfortable, everything is working, we’re probably exactly where 5 years ago, we dreamed we’ll be, we can say for certain that we’re safe. Damn! We have the life we’ve always wanted, but why have we begun to feel lately like we’re just going through the motions? Should we be somewhere different? Why does it feel like the light within us keeps dimming? Why do we have to work so hard to ignite the passion that once drove us like we were an electric powered car? What did we miss, where did we miss it and how can we get it back? These kinds of thoughts are likely to lead us to much deeper and important questions like: Why are we not ready to do something about it? When we want to do something about it, why is our first thought to try harder at the same thing? Could it be because we’re safe here? Look, nothing is really truly broken, why would anyone want to start afresh? Did we want what we should want, not what we really deeply wanted?, and now that we’ve got it, we’re miserable? Was the joy we had short-lived because it came from the achievement of a goal, not from a deep sense of fulfilment? Mmmmmm, questions, questions, questions! Let’s talk about safety. Many of us like predictability, we like that we know exactly what’s going to happen and when its going to happen, and this gives us stability, and in turn makes us feel safe. We then go ahead and prioritize this stability over true joy. We say “this is supposed to make me happy”, and we intend that by saying it, it will make us happy. What a joke! I’m not going against the fact that for some, achieving this stability does bring joy, and going through the motions is exactly what they live for. For some others though, this is not the case! There’s a burning desire within to do something different, be somewhere different, explore the depths of a calling towards something that really fulfils them, and even though they have stability where they are, it ends up not being enough. For these folks, safety has become a trap. The fact that they can say “it’s safe here”, prevents them from going elsewhere. They give excuses like “Can’t you see how old I am?”, “I have achieved a lot here, it will be stupid to go off and do my own thing!”, “I built something beautiful here and even though it doesn’t serve my joy anymore, I love my legacy, and so I’ll stick with it!”, “Damn! This pays the bills”. Think about the painter who never went painting because he had a WallStreet job that paid his bills, even though he hated it. The singer who never sang because, well, they’re a software developer and they have a family to care for. The builder who never went on to bricklaying because he flies planes and it’s a pretty cool job with lots of prestige. Did they sacrifice exhilarating joy and boundless fulfilment just so they could play it safe? At the end of their lives, would they be satisfied and proud, beating their chests at a job well done, or asking “What if ?” Honestly, I don’t know. Sometimes, the sacrifice is worth it, and sometimes it’s not. The most important thing is that we’re asking the question “Is it really cozy here, or am I trapped?”. A cat in a cozy cage

Spain Made Me a Spoiled Kid