The People Who Love You Already Do

I was reading an article this week and it brought to mind an unforgettable experience I had about 10 years ago. I still recall what I was wearing, the time of day and where I was standing. An ex-classmate of mine said to me “Were you expecting me to greet you first?” and that statement slapped me into the realization of what truly matters in life.

Now, the backstory. In 2012, I went to an aviation school to study Aircraft engineering. I graduated with a distinction and as the best student in my class. But, I was a private student and most of my classmates were sponsored students. That meant that once we graduated, they went straight to work with the companies that sponsored them and I had to search for a job.

Two years later, I still had no job but had gotten married and had my first child. I was standing by an aircraft hanger with her in my arms, waiting to board a flight when an ex-classmate who worked there walked past me.

I assumed he hadn’t seen me, so I called out to him. Let’s call him Sam.

“Sam, Sam, you didn’t see me? Hi.”

Sam turned, walked back, and said, “Yes, I saw you, but were you expecting me to greet you first?”

You need to have seen the look on his face. That look of “I am something, and well, you’re… not.”

I wished the ground will open up and swallow me that instant, but I composed myself like nothing was wrong. I ignored the comment, asked him how work was, we chatted for a bit, after which he left.

I haven’t seen or spoken to Sam since then, but I won’t lie, that experience has stayed with me.

It made me realize that to matter to some people, you actually need to be something. But that also, such people are not my tribe at all. It also made me appreciate the people in my life who have been consistent all through. The ones who love me when I’m something and love me when I’m nothing.

I have 3 friends who I met from my time at that school who are still very much in my life today: Ify, Oyinade and Ik.

They loved me when I was the best student in my class, they loved me when I came out of school and had no job.
They loved me when I started having kids and hadn’t kicked off my career yet, they loved me when I switched careers and went on a different path.
They loved me when I became a student again learning how to code, they loved me when I got my first job, and the next, and the next, and begun to move countries due to my work.

You see, the people who will love you already do. They love you when you’re nothing and they love you when you’re something. The ones you’re putting on a performance for, hoping they’ll finally invite you to the table, or see you, or decide you’re worth something, are not your tribe at all.

So focus on your life, and on the people already in it.

You may still be figuring it out. Damn, we all are. But life comes in phases, and your tribe is made up of the ones who love you no matter what phase you’re in.

Have a great weekend amigo ❤️